All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
