"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
