What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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