franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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