everyone is single if you try hard enough
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
