She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
