Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
