she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
