He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
