One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
