I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
