i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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