It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
