if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?