I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.