I must be too annoying 4 u.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We left the knife in your bed.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
