I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.