her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
