so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize