the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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