ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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