I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
