Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
