Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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