i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
