You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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