There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
should my penis look like a turkey
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
