I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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