one two three fourrrrnication!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
