They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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