R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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