Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
