How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
