Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
