walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
