Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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