We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
