my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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