I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
