when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
