I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
