PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
sex in a hospital.. check
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
