He felt like a one man threesome
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
