Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
