absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
