Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
