she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She bit a glass in half.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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