i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
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I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
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I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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