do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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