I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize