When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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