We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
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