Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
