It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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