Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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