Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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