ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
