Already got asked if we're dating
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
