its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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