No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
