i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
