I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
