i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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