New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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