Have you finally orgasmed yet?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
