Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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