Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
3 2 1 whiskey
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
