I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
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I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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