I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
