in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
