i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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