hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
