watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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