He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
