K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
