no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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