Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
our cab driver is having phone sex.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
