apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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