Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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