i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
