He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
