and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
