He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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