we're chasing vodka with high fives
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
