Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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